No turning back

Since I was diagnosed with DCM, AF & a blood clot 8 years ago I have probably set my highest ever challenges. I have challenged my self to ensure everyone close to me knows how much I love them, I have challenged myself to ensure that I don't waste this privileged gift of extra life taken away from so many and was reminded yesterday that this Weds is 4 years since Young Yasmina died. The physical challenges I set myself are easy compared to the challenge of making sure I don't waste this extra gift of life.

It is testimony to advances in our heart failure care that I can count the number of deaths Lorna & I have encountered due to Cardiomyopathy and it is relatively small. Which somehow makes it more shocking when we hear of such a loss. 

The 1st was a lady in Aberdeen who had a young family who initially survived and went about setting up a support group for CardiomyopathyUk, this happened very early in my journey then I saw she had died suddenly leaving that very young family behind, it is hard to explain this impact on me with even now it bringing me close to tears. From then I made completing the London triathlon my challenge and of course I did it 8 months after diagnosis. 

The 2nd was Yasmina, a young lady in her early 20's who again was taken suddenly after a lifetime of fighting but living a full life, I so remember Lorna calling me while I was at work and being hit with the thunderbolt and the feelings it brought on. I think a lot of my feelings are based on guilt that am I doing enough to justify this extra life I was given.

The thing about the above 2 is I never met them yet they touch my life in a way that is hard to explain to those not living with a chronic illness. Why do I get to live when others don't but let's not kid our selfs we could be next.

Both of the above stories make me cry but determined this morning, they drive Lorna & I to do our best with this life. If I was to pass away now I would have no regrets but I would if I didn't make my John o'Groat to Lands end attempt this year because I know I can do this. The messages of support on social media are so emotional to me, very few are negative now which is very different to my London triathlon challenge.

So it's all out there now and no turning back, my Gofundme page is set up and I have started to post on charity forums. Do I feel pressure? Yes I do but only to the memories of those dead or alive not as lucky as me. I hope this challenge brings about so much awareness of those positively living with heart failure and is not only about me.