On a day when my End2End became a more realistic dream (more of later) I was reflecting on this momentous day when I read Rob Merchants latest message to me and again he has captured so much of why I want to do this challenge. I have had a day of real highs but also many doubts but this dream is starting to become reality
"Another thing that comes to mind in this discussion about 'living' with heart failure is the unexpected changes that can be experienced because of it. Some examples of change can be: diet, exercise, work habits and getting used to the new world of medications.
But there are other, more subtle changes. One is the way we view, respond and react to the life we live. We could, for example, hide away and become very reclusive. Due to the sometimes debilitating nature of heart failure, this choice is occasionally forced upon some of us.
With me, this 'change of view' is my response to a particular challenge I think about most days. It became clear after a conversation I had with my cardiologist a couple of years ago. We've known each other for twenty years now and - true 'Brit' that he is - he can now finally address me as Rob...! As a consequence of this confidence, I cut to the chase and asked him: 'OK then Doc - how will it probably end for me...?' His response was instantly forthcoming: 'Either a slow decline, or a heart attack or sudden cardiac death (the dreaded SCD!)'
There I had it. Plain and simple. It was the last of the three, however, that completely occupied my mind for weeks afterwards. But gradually the threat of SCD coalesced, changed, into something very powerful: 'If there is a chance that the end could come 'like a thief in the night' then what the hell am I doing repressing my feelings, words and actions? Why am I 'behaving well' to fit in all the time? Why have I put my wild dreams in the attic?
John talks about End2End as one of his dreams. He is the living example of 'being the change'. His cycle marathon is a rallying call to all of us - heart failure-types or no - who have folded our hopes and dreams away for a rainy day that may never come...
He thus deserves our support in any way we can express it."
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